As Backstreet fans I think we all know about fan fiction. After reading one, two or 75 don't you begin to wonder, "Hey, I've read this before" (even though you haven't)? Well, you aren't going crazy. For whatever reason, our Boys get typecast more than the actors of Friends. So here are the most run amuck themes in Backstreet Boys fan fiction.
Nick: Most Likely To Win a fan fiction Oscar
Song: Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely
Sex: More than any human being can possibly have. Girls, he is young but turn around time is not that quick.
Personality: Nick is totally insecure and has no clue what makes him happy. It generally takes the love of a woman; sometimes an older more experienced one to make him realize what he wants out of life.
Drama: All the drama surrounds this man. Mary J. Blige said, "No More Drama". Nick must have said, "Drama and a lots of it." He is a walking ER extra. He has had cancer, AIDS and some obscure diseases we have never heard of. Even though Black people are the biggest sufferers, we're surprised he hasn't had sickle cell anemia yet, but hey, there is always the future. He is generally the one who will end up in Law & Order as the kidnapping or rape victim. He is always depressed and has to deal with a mother who will make Mommy Dearest look like June Cleaver. That's a lot to live with, that is, if he lives. Nick is a mortician's dream. He dies; he dies a lot. If he isn't murdered (at the hands of the country cousins; Brian has killed him twice, Kevin killed him during a concert) or die in a car crash (AJ's bad driving makes an appearance in fan fiction) then he commits suicide. We tend to think Nick, like everyone in the world, has his share of problems, we just don't think he is a manic depressive suicidal sex-crazed psycho.
Howie: Most Likely To Go To the Bathroom and Get Left Behind
Song: Set Adrift On Memory Bliss
Sex: Yeah right
Personality: Whom are we talking about again? Oh yeah, thanks. Well, we could list all these things but in the end they all add up to one trait: annoying.
Drama: Drama. What drama? However long this study is on Howie, it will be longer than his appearance in most fan fictions. Where the hell is Howie? Even when Howie is in the story, he is never really in the story. Howie is generally in the first and last chapters if he is in the story at all. Usually his name is just mentioned by a character or the narrator. Come on writers, isn't Howie worth mentioning? Put a little effort in it. Then again, we can't hold it against you because our other studies were quick like water over a waterfall and this one was more like molasses down a drain. The odd thing is, the stories always flow and unless you are a Howie lover, pardon me, the Howie lover out there, you don't really recognize he isn't there.
Brian: Most Likely to Become Nick's Guardian Angel
Song: No One Else Comes Close…(besides Leighanne)
Sex: The fact you thought there would be a comment about Brian sex is enough to burn in hell...next time you are at confession, you know what to do.
Personality: Brian's personality is almost has non-existent as Howie....
Drama: Ok, Brian has no drama. How anyone can read a fan fiction that has Brian as anything other than a funny sidekick is beyond us. He is the angel of the group…speaking of angels…don't get us started on them…what's with the damn guardian angels people…we digress but rest assured they will be discussed later on. Brian Thomas Littrell, forever the voice of reason. Brian always has to say something to the effect of, "I don't know you guys" or "This is wrong"…you know what Brian...shut up. Look, we know the difference between reality and fiction. Really. We do. However, Brian still manages to irk us even in fantasyland. We must admit it tugs at our heartstrings when he is always there and concerned for Nick during Nick's ever-constant dilemmas. That is until Nick and Brian's love for each other is manipulated into being something more than two men who are supportive friends.
Kevin: Most Likely to want to use the backdoor. *ahem*
Song: The One
Sex: Kevin certainly isn't lacking in the sex department. He has incredibly smooth moves and always knows how to talk a girl into bed. The man likes manipulation and domination too. He usually has a steady girlfriend or in rare occasions is even married. Kevin has also been known to have sex with Nick- what is with that? Another dimension of fan fiction to be discussed at a later time.
Personality: Kevin is the one. The one who makes all the decisions and the one who knows all the answers. He has that "overbearing father you wish you never had" kind of manner. And never fails to tell people, especially the Boys and in particular one Boy what he thinks in the most tactless of ways.
Drama: Even though he is often under the influence of some illegal substance he still manages enough coherent thought to crush each and every one of Nick's hopes and dreams in mere seconds. However, Kevin will defend Nick from all others without fail, so he and he alone can kick Nick's butt, well before Nick dies that is. We only know that Kevin is so hard on Nick because he loves him so much; sees Nick's limitless amount of talent and potential and doesn't want Nick to waste it because the narrator tells us so. For whatever reason, Kevin can't tell Nick how he feels, thus Nick thinks Kevin hates his guts and has it in for him. The more we think of it the more we realize Kevin's only existence in fan fiction is to be the bossy anal, but loving oaf. Like his cousin, we tend to be irked by Kevin's actions and words. Surprised? You shouldn't be. After all, that's his cousin. Kevin's love of fashion is always randomly thrown in, kind of like now.
AJ: Most Likely To have done Kevin or Nick's girlfriend before they did.
Song: If You Want It To Be Good Girl
Sex: All the time and with anything that has two legs. In AJ's case, curious is not freaky; it's bisexual.
Personality: AJ is an ass plain and simple, and about as deep as a birdbath.
Drama: If you have been around this site you know we aren't about being serious but we would be remiss if we didn't tell you, you will see a lot of fan fiction out there in which AJ is drunk and/or drinking heavily. We find nothing funny about AJ's alcoholism but just remember the majority was written before AJ and the Boys came forth about his problem. We aren't about ending on a serious note so lets get busy. If AJ isn't out at a club scoring sex, usually not remembering the names the next morning, he's wreaking havoc in the group. He causes conflict any time he walks into the room. AJ is always the one to humiliate Nick or start the "rag on Nick" sessions in the group. AJ is the comic relief. Always with a joke, generally perverted, but usually very funny. AJ is never really in the conversations on a regular basis, he just tends to interject one-liners and out of place comments. We find it amusing that with as much sex as Nick is having, there is usually an illegitimate child who shows up somewhere along the way and calls AJ daddy.
Slash: Of course there are variations but generally there are certain connections. AJ and Howie. Its only fitting they are close. After all, they knew each other the longest in the group. AJ always seems to know, while everyone else is clueless, that Howie is gay. AJ is not gay but he is so damn freaky that for whatever reason it just seems natural for him. Whatever, man. Kevin and Nick. Can't be anything more passionate. They are so different, its hypnotic right? Right? We guess, don't ask us. Kevin has dark hair; he is serious, older and experienced is the trappings and evil of the world. Then you have fair-haired, young, playful, naïve and innocent Nick. There is just something about Kevin practically raising Nick and then coming to realize he is a man, again, we guess. And what could be more beautiful and pure than Nick and the one man who has always been there for him. Brian, the man who was his emotional support system. I mean Nick and Brian are so close that its only "natural" that these two heterosexual men would want to physically show their love for each other. Well, we WDM girls love each other but...you get the drift.
Guardian Angels: Come on people. This should be in the science fiction part of the library. You are using real people why not real plots? And once again, why is it always Nick in the episode of I'll Fly Away? He is the only crackpot who can see and hear someone that no one else can see. Why does Nick always have to talk aloud to the angel when other people are around? Leaving them to ask to whom Nick is talking to and is he ok while glancing at each other to see who is going to find the nearest therapist.
Ordinary girl becomes part of the show: Ok, it is very rare that some chick that has no training can just hop her happy butt on stage and do all this choreography. As if that's not bad enough, she happens to pick up and master this routine in just days. And these perfectly figured girls, who are always Nick's girlfriend, never work out. What we wouldn't give to have a "petite and busty frame" while lying around sexing Nick up, down and all around his house. We aren't hating, we're just jealous.
Living in Orlando, Florida: As much as Orlando has gained much attention from having the Boys of Backstreet in their hometown they are gone. Can't bring them back. Speaking of Orlando, there is a WDM sister who has lived in Orlando since 1990 and she has never heard of Backstreet Market but we digress yet again. Sure, you can get away with Howie cause Mama D and crew is still there. However, Cousin Kev and Cousin Brian? No way. They high-tailed it a long time ago. Orlando is no longer in the Backstreet vocabulary people. Let it go.
Tell your friends to meet my friends and we can be friends: Can't be just one random everyday minimum-wage job having, college attending girl that meets and falls in love with a Backstreet Boy, her best friend has to have one too. Generally tends to be Nick and Brian who end up falling in love with the female version of Frick and Frack. She is always a girl who has never heard of the Backstreet Boys or has heard of them in passing. In fact, when she first meets the Boy, usually Nick, she doesn't even know who he is and thinks nothing of him. Why is it always Nick (how many times have we said that?) that is not recognized? Give us a break. If Nick Carter worked at Foot Locker we would notice him and think all kinds of things about him but this isn't about us so we're moving on.
Nick has all the time in the world: It amazes us that in the midst of sold out tours, promotions, appearances, rehearsals and meetings Nick has time to be a hero. Many a woman has come to Nick's rescue but he loves to return the favor (at least this kind, we digress, what's with us). No matter what her dilemma, whether she is emotionally scarred or someone trying to kill her, Nick is always there to save the day like Mighty Mouse. Got to love how he never misses any of the before-mentioned duties.
